I am back!!!

So my friends!

I took some tests to see why i wasn't getting pregnant, very horrible doctor told me very coldly that i wouldnt be having any more kids,

Devastated , we stopped trying. I stopped with my blog.

But literally a week later i fell pregnant!! Would you believe that!?

So all these people that say, when you dont try it happens, so true! But how do you stop trying without really wishing every month? Go to my horrible doctor! LOL

But she done me a favour really didn't she, she was meant to test me on day 21 on my cycle and actually tested me on the 27th! And so the tests were not right, Silly women. God bless the NHS

So people, i no longer have TWW, i have all the crap that comes with being pregnant, but i love it! I am nearly 12 weeks and all seems fine.

Love you all! Melissa

Tests!

Sorry not been around, I have been so ill!

It would appear i had a small miscarriage, or a chemical pregnancy so I am having tests to see if i can hold on to babies!!

So let s see how that goes, AF coming i can feel it, so defo no babies this month but wasn't trying

People keep telling me to not think about it and then it will happen,
The more i tell myself i am not thinking about it i am surely!?

How do you NOT think about it if you re really trying?? So i am trying to take relax approach now...
IF it happens it happens .... arrrggghhh.... no no, if it happens it happens .....

Where was I?

I know I know!

Where was I? Well guys, sorry to leave you all like that but I had to go for a while, ya see...

I had all the pregnant symptoms as you know! And saw a very faint line, so I tried not to get excited, then the next day another faint line so if course I will get excited now! But still trying to remain calm as I had 3 days to go yet.

Then 3 days early which is unheard of for me, AF was here? With a vengeance too! So many clots as well, but to spare you the horrible details it would appear to be a small miscarriage, since then I have googled it, its what we call a chemical pregnancy.

So I went to the doctors, and she was not helpful or tactful, she was actually angry that I had taken a test! She said I should not be taking a test till I am at least 10 days late on my period... WHAT! YEP YOU HEARD ME.

So what do we say to her?? 10 days? who in there right mind can wait a day let alone ten!? Also if i am ten days late then why take a test? surely that's clear I am pregnant? Stupid women. She went on to say it didn't count as I would have only been 4 weeks pregnant, and so it was just a false positive and if I hadnt of tested I would never had known so wasnt aloud to get upset about it... again ...stupid women. I was this close to asking her if she ever tried for children before???

So as you can see this was a little bit traumatic for me and so sat in my room for a week and didn't come out as I felt sick with it all as well.

I think i am going to take a little break for a while, that's probably when t will happen! But I have tests etc coming up now to see if I  have trouble holding babies in . So i will keep you posted on that!

Maybe something is wrong....

ok so I feel bad thinking I should get checked out because it hasn't happened yet as its only really been 5 months, some people try for years!

But the reason I thought I  would check is because I had to google the fact that I spot every month so far a week before the AF shows?? So thats weird, now some girl said she had the same and so after a year went to the doctors to be told she had issues with her progesterone levels?

This was the reason she would spot every month before AF , which is what I seem to be doing as well, as usual I went off on a tangent and found out loads of interesting info. This lady also had the problem, went to the doctors to get her progesterone levels built up with some pills and fell pregnant a month later which was good news so its fixable.

So I have turned into a testing freak! I done two today, yes two, because I took one this morning and I swear I saw a faint line! But have I got to the point now where I see what I want to see?? Am I the only one? please tell me I am not the only crazy lady when it comes to her TWW??? I just couldnt wait, tomorrow morning cant come fast enough...I need to see if it gets darker, but I can only see it if I really look and twist the test etc, I read thats not good, that doesn't count, but I am sure we all do it!!
So I took another one tonight and same, very very and I mean very , pass the magnifying glass faint!

Im Back, sorry for the delay

So, look at me , not blogging for days! Sorry about that

But there was nothing to blog, mother nature gave me nothing this month really , no fake symptoms , no high hopes, wouldn't it be typical if I was pregnant this time!!

But here we are 9DPO and sure enough it starts...

Yesterday i felt a little ill but i think its the new diet i am doing which make me pee for England!
Then i realised that my pee smelt a little stronger than normal, Oh finally something to Google this month, so sure enough I googles it and bam! Strong smelling pee sign of early pregnancy, hello phantom pregnancy you may begin.

I was reading some poor women really get down with the whole thing, its totally normal to go crazy I think, Its not just me! Im crazy after several months of trying, so for some takes years, I fell for you I really do.

So anyway, woke up this morning and my boobs really hurt so hope is beginning to set in once again, i had bad cramps last night and sure enough today a small spotting was going on, so sod it i took a test....

Well this test was a new one I have brought, just a cheap one, but better quality with early detection, the strip went red, then started to go white with one red line, ok so a BFN but then a few minutes later it all went red again? and the pregnancy line went very very white, is someone trying to tell me, look your not pregnant do we have to spell it out for you !! It was so weird,

So lets see what the next few days bring, AF due in 6 days, no long, but who am I kidding, we all know 6 days is an eternity!

Itchy boob?

Ok so here we are 3 DPO

Just in case for those who don't know DPO is days past ovulation,  sorry guys I feel like sometimes I should be explaining stuff a bit better for the newbies,

So, check me out! I have ichty boobs!  So I'm there scratching away thinking this is totally a sign, we all know that right?

Then it dawned on me, it was only one? But that's ok I'll Google it anyway... sure enough one ichty boob is a total sign, how amazing after all these months every little thing I have had is a sign some one in the world , one lady some where had it so it's a total sign right? Anyway I digress. .

So I get ready for bed , take my top off and sure enough, there it was, a big fat insect bite on my boob,  oh not so much a sign then... or is it? Wait a minute, insects are attracted more to pregnant women as their blood is sweeter sooooooo here you have it, still a sign! So fingers crossed for me.

Here we go !! 1DPO

So here we are then , 1 DPO

Well actually according to my app! I am 2 DPO so lets go by that even though I don't think it works very well!

So last month I was convinced...again! As I had implant bleeding?! like small amount of bleeding for one day after some cramps 10 DPO so that was weird. I was so convinced, why am i having these signs??? I also only had my period for a few days, again not like me so i actually took a test the day after AF stopped just to check, swear I saw a faint line? But I had to really look so.. no no BFN

So today here I am in a serious mood, everyone annoying me, clear sign! But lets see what the next 2 weeks brings, welcome and join me for my next TWW!

Not long now!

Not long now people till I start blogging!

Lets see what this month brings shall we, the usual, my body convincing me I am totally pregnant!!!

Damn you mother nature! No no we love her really xx

AF is here :(

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday but AF come.... bit early so I should have known really.

But it's so confusing , why did I have spotting a week before I started,  so so strange,  all the signs were there.

See what I mean?? Drives you crazy. My body convincing me I was :(

Oh well until next month then guys!!

BFN

Well there you have it guys, loads of symptoms this month, its totally crazy, hence why i am the TWW crazy lady,

I had a little hope as if i turnt the test slightly left and right n the sunlight i saw the faintest line! But who am I kidding? We are not at that desperate stage yet right?? errk

I am due on tomorrow and so i think AF is on the way to be honest, shame though as boobs hurting today and so of course thought oooooh good sign. But BFN not a good sign.

Let see what tomorrow brings, but for now crazy lady is a little sad so signing off xxx

Spotting

Ok so yesterday I had spotting or I was starting my period early which never happens!

So yes I googled it, we all do it!! And of course according to most sites out there i am totally pregnant, one lady had my symptoms down to a T!

But the thing is, soooo many of these women are out there asking asking asking, am I ? am I?
Give you all their symptoms and then thats it! you never find out as they never bother to come back and say yes or no?! It is so annoying so I will not do that to you all!

So its saturday and I am due Monday, no bleeding today, no spotting, so I might have to take a test tomorrow as I just cant wait! I found a test that tells very early at only 10hCG needed so fingers crossed with that one.

Knowing the levels I thought was a must and found a good chart on the internet which I will try  and find again share with you tomorrow,

Oh so hCG is the human chorionic gonadotropin... yeah I know right? Like what? So we just say hCG. Only shows when you are pregnant and gets more and more as time goes on.

So far this month then, cramping, next day light bleeding, two days later more light bleeding, soooo tired! and tonight totally emotional! Hubby asked me out for a coffee and I started crying! How cute I thought, I love him so much and that was it, water works!! Mmmmm baby dust for manana!

I tested!!

I know I know! But to be fair it wasn't my fault! Let me explain....

Been terribly ill and was at the doctors today and they gave me all these drugs??

Well, as you all know I had some cramps 3 days ago and the very next day some light bleeding so yeaaaaah implantation! No no sorry....focus...

And so I casually say... can I take these if I am pregnant? That was it! Pregnant? You're pregnant? Then hubby looks at me in happy shock... you're pregnant? Calm down everyone! I said IF I was pregnant!

I explained that I was 12 DPO and had a few early symptoms,  I was on my tww, all which seemed to totally go over her head! She was very young and clearly never been pregnant.

So she said we will test you. So I silently got excited as I only have one left at home which won't detect for a few days yet. And we all know the doctors blood test can detect very early so as my excitement begins to grow...she asks me to pee in a cup! What? Well I can do that at home! And it's way to early to tell on a strip test? Ooooh ok , so I got a BFN of course but she told me to take another one in a few days .

When I got home I had a few more red not pink streaks when wiping so I thought AF come early? Early, me? That's never happened since..well never. Surely not more implantation bleeding? GOOGLE IT!!

Here we go!!

Right guys!

The body has started again, here we go...

I was getting worried as no symptoms at all and thought my blog was going to be silent for a month!! But oh no, mother nature was just fooling me again and woke up today feeling very sick!

So ok, this morning I was feeling so nauseous, but its hot so lets put it down to that, because we all know I am probably not pregnant , look at all the symptoms I had last month!!

But then! Later i had some serious spotting going on?? If you remember I had cramping yesterday ? Oh my days, I am getting excited... no no no,, I am not.

Unless??? I started to feel some deep throbbing up top? Ooooh this is looking good, shall we do some faint line testing tomorrow? It will be 10 DPO! No no come on guys , we are not the crazy obsessed ones remember! lol

8 DPO

So then not muxh to report at the moment, not much of a phantom pregnancy this month?? Well not yet anyway!

We have plenty of time for that to change!

Bit of cramping today. But do t worry I only have 2 tests left at the moment so I can't be wasting them now so early!!

But you know. I just might!

It's starting!!

OK people here we go again, let's she what mother nature wants to trick me with this month!! 

So far I had a tiny cramp this morning and serious head fog?? But I don't see how that could be connected... might Google it?!! No! I won't,  it's only day one! 10 long days to go...

Cramp!!!

Ooohhhh so I had a massive cramp! So you know what I am thinking!! Implant!! Lol oh dear I have totally lost the plot. So here we go again for another 10 days! Who's with me??

AF Here

Yes of course AF come yesterday so all is sad here,

But I need a lot of work on my teeth all being done this week and so I will need a lot of drugs so maybe its a good thing?? Lets stay positive!

And so I hope you are all going to log in same time next few weeks for my next phytom pregnancy!! Whats that all about? So strange, Damn you TWW!

BFN...what else

Again, thought I would try a test even though only have 2 days to wait for AF. 

I still have all the perfect symptoms,  one day of cramps then bit of spotting for a few days.  Can't feel AF coming at all so of course I'm gonna think I should take a test!!

Even had tender boobs so I thought I was on  to a winner, plus I found a test at the back of the draw, you have to use these things up really,  right??

So the strip test gave me a BFN so I left it for an hour , went back to see if it even gave me a evaporation line but nooooooo. Not even that so I can think oooooh maybe...but wait the test is out of date???? Ooooh so it's broken...lol...we all know AF is coming in the next few days don't we.

Maybe I should start rubbing my tummy , I am sure I read somewhere that helps????  Crazy lady better get some more sleep!

More symptoms!

So here we are again. Super thirsty! And of course I think it's a little weird so let me just google that.... oh you guessed it! Many lovely ladies have that as a symptom in the TWW.

So I am this close to testing again,  but I only have 3 left! I can't get hold of any more at the moment so should I chance it??? Or wait wait wait like a normal person would until they are a day late!

I promise I was a normal person before all this!

I Caved!

Oh dear, i did it, I caved!!

I took a test, I know, I know, I shouldn't have.... I got a BFN
Of course, we all knew that would happen, in my defence , its because I read on a website yesterday that you can take the strip tests 10+ DPO , I am 14 DPO! So of course I was gonna take one, only 4 days till AF but I cant wait till then!

And of course now I wish I had waited as I have 2 tests left to last this month and next! But this is it, no more tests till after AF is meant to arrive. You and I both know this is nearly impossible!!

So anyway, I have all the symptoms, albeit, others this month, I am super thirsty , I have the mild thrush, little cramping and today I even had very small spotting! As if baby planting was going on!! So I tell you , it is really my fault I tested?? You would have too! Admit it!

So its clearly my bodys fault and Googles fault and these other websites telling me a strip test will detect a baby by now, so I have to have all these problems and symptoms, my temperature is still high and STILL probably get AF in 4 days...... Depressed much!

So yeah BFN, no matter how many times I hold it up to the light desperately looking for a faint line! Turning it all kinds of angles, oh is that one? No no , we all know its not!!

But after all these symptoms, stupid me , still have the glimmer of hope that the test was cheap rubbish and AF aint coming! So I need to wait a week, Still blogging my everyday symptoms of course, crazy lady signing off ,,,,,,

Well today was a weird one, as usual my body is here shouting pregnant!!

Caught a glimpse of the top half of my body and to see things are appearing a bit darker? Total sign! But no, I am ignoring that, all in my head surely?? I did do a double take though,

All of a sudden in the middle of a normal working day I get this cramp, a bad one! whats going on?? It had me buckled over, quick, check the App, got a good week yet till AF so you all know what i am thinking! But stop that! Because we all have been here before, month after month...

Of course I am wondering if i have started this blog and then if i am pregnant already how short will that be?? But anyway I would like to hear from other crazy, i mean totally normal ladies like myself.

So, bad cramp and then ten minutes later another one, a sudden urge to go to the toilet, arrh google it, pregnant! Super early signs, nothing to do with the dodgy chinese I had last night!

What I have tried to do now is look for signs I cant make up in my head, for example I read about the temperature thing, little confusing, but basically, when you ovulate your temperature goes up, so I thought I would give this a go! But it's the first time I have done it so cant be that accurate, but worth a try, sure enough my temperature was high. Problem is, the day is drops is when ovulation is done?? So you have to just hope you got the day right so you can say, phew thank goodness we done 'it' yesterday!

However if it doesn't drop for days after like it should, total sign! So guess what guys! Total high temperature still today, and I am 9 DPO so how can i fake that ? No  no, could be anything, like the fact I am staying in a hot country for the next 6 weeks and its 47 degrees?

But when you first start TCC, how confusing is it when you see all these abbreviations?? TTC? TWW? What does DPO mean?? Its like you are just meant to know all these things. Where is the guide book for these? Who made these up and who called it Aunt Flow! Anyway , I will get off my soap box about it, its just the first time I was TTC was a nightmare! spent ages finding out what AF meant more than how to actually get pregnant.

So lets clear it up...

AF - Aunt Flow (period)
TTC - Trying to Conceive
TWW - Two weeks wait
DPO - Days Past Ovulation

Oh and dont forget to send any TTC goers fairy dust! Or baby dust, its the done thing apperently, how sweet! 

TTW Start

Welcome to TWW Madness by a crazy lady!

Thats because I am TTC for the 2nd time and so now I kinda know the symptoms or how is works i keep tricking myself into thinking i am pregnant! So not having much fun with these phantom pregnancies every month!

I am 37 and so the clock is ticking! As i am overweight as well which is a whole other blog right??

So, am i really a crazy lady?? Just because i take a test about 8 times in the TWW?? Everyone of us does that right? Not the good tests, as who could afford that? But the cheap strip ones we get 3 for a pound etc. In Fact i think i got 10 for £3 so bargain! Anyway, does that make me crazy really...

Last month i was a few days late so bam! i brought the very expensive test , worked out a whole way i was telling DH even though i have taken the strip tests, all BFN but i swear i saw a faint line!? (faint lines, lets come back to that) So i was excited, after all i had a few cramps , tender boobs, all, if you google them your pregnant! OMG don't Google TWW symptoms, if you sneeze twice in a row your pregnant. But who am i kidding? you're gonna do it, like i do every month, every time something new. Clearly the expensive test was broken, it said i was not pregnant... next day AF!

I swore i would wait for a week after i was due my period next... so here I am today , 8 DPO thinking ooooh i have symptoms, so i will blog it! Every month so all the poor ladies who think they are crazy and alone, NOPE! I am here! Maybe i am alone? No one reading this at all anyway !?

So how do i know i am 8 DPO ? Because i have a lovely app that tells me so , it tells me all kinds of things, it even wants to know where my cervix is? How on earth do i know? Where God put it! Inside me....

So the app is new for me, because.. you know, i wont be one of them sad desperate women who do everything! Have the app, pee on a stick everyday to see if you are fertile , stare at toilet paper for mucus, which lets face it, TMI! especially as i saw some describe it as sticky rice or runny egg?? really ?? do we have to? Errrk ... And after you have done the deed no time for cuddling, gotta get my legs in the air! No no, not me, i only do about 80% of them things so no crazy lady here!

So, i will blog about all the crazy things we go in TWW, just to show you , we all do it... right?